I rented a flute!

I don’t play the flute; never even touched one. But I’ve played a bunch of other instruments, so at this point I know the difficulty curve pretty well.

It comes in three pieces, and I had to figure out how to put them together, and how to hold it. It’s less intuitive than a saxophone, probably closer to cello, so I looked up the answer. You have to wrap your index finger in a weird way, and the weight rests on it a little uncomfortably. Maybe I’ll get used to it (like guitar), or maybe I’m holding it wrong, but whatever (like piano).

Getting it to make a sound was also harder than I expected. It’s a bit like blowing across a bottle, sure, but much more sensitive to angle, and you have to control your breath a lot more.

I’m really bad at playing the flute.

In my life, I’ve always felt a little ashamed to be bad at something. I wouldn’t want to play flute in public, or tell someone “I play the flute”, because that suggests competence. If they then found out I played the flute like a child, that’d be a disappointment. People are often adult by default, and easy to disappoint.

I’m turning 40 next year. By and large, I’ve stopped doing new things that have a years-long long difficulty curve. More and more, I only do the things I’m already good at, or the handful of mediocre things I’d like to be better at.

I don’t like that about myself. I want to continue doing new things. I want to enjoy doing new things, even (and especially) if they’re hard, and I’m bad at them.

That means I need to be comfortable playing the flute, half an hour here, 5 minutes there, every day, some days, several times a day. Sounding awful, struggling, doing it wrong, being uncomfortable. But not feeling ashamed at these things.

Feeling good being bad.